Writing 201 – Poetry Fog
Day 5 of Writing 201 – Poetry challenge Fog
Dear Reader
Day 5 of this enjoyable challenge brings us to Fog and elegy. This one was difficult to write due to the content. It is supposed to be chilling and sombre.
Like many people, I always thing my poems are not the best. With this one I have decided to just write it the once and do no more changes. I wonder if it works that well?
Enjoy
Day 5 Fog (Re-worked)
Each foot took him closer to the sound
Muffled cries all round.
Hard to move, the mud so tight
Pulling at each soulful step.
Fog or smoke, difficult to tell
Neither could he see or feel what was to come.
Deep deathly cries left and right
Stabbing into his mind.
Hands gripped the pitfall weapon, more a symbol
Steel like need betrayed violent desire.
His foot struck something other than mud
Single limb nothing else, friend or foe.
Inhaling fog, thick against his eyes, streaming with tears
Another step forward another limb found.
Cries all round echoing like the soundtrack of his life.
Each his fault, all his work.
A simple march of ten steps, no more
Blooded limbs lay in fog.
Death stopped, dropped his useless weapon.
Bodies of war surrounding him, as the dense fog lifted,
He sobbed in triumphed once more.
By Mark O’Donnell
4 thoughts on “Writing 201 – Poetry Fog”
Good elegy. Sad ending. Good emotion presentation.
Thank you
I enjoyed the tension between the literal suggested imagery and the potential metaphorical interpretation(s) – I didn’t find the ending at all sad as “Death stopped, dropped his useless weapon…”
Thank you for that, I am glad that worked.
I wanted to attempt to make Death feel sad, as he was responsible for all killings and the dead, if that makes sense?