Mental Health

At the Basingstoke Comic Con, I sat down to listen to a panel on Mental Health in Fandom. I had not expected this type of panel at a comic con. It was interesting and brave. There was a frank conversation of how the panel members had coped with various issues, including Amanda Tapping’s own story.

That made me think about myself. We often allow ourselves to struggle, many people thinking they have to be strong or just suppress issues. Some people can handle these issues but at what cost? For myself, the past few years, I have seen both sets of parents and a sister-in-law pass away. Sometimes it takes more strength to show emotions.

To a degree, I expected some of this but not so soon. As the panel continued I pondered over what the conversation meant to me. It was very interesting to hear such an open and different panel at a sci-fi convention. As the panel ended I reflected over the past 5 years.

My Mum became ill before covid. There was nothing much I could despite my knowledge and help. I could see how it affected my Dad and the way he thought he had to do everything. One time I took them to an afternoon dinner and dance. My Dad could not get up as he too was ill, which was a shame as they both loved dancing. But my Mum insisted on doing one waltz with me. It was the last time she danced. That was both an honour and sadness.

She passed away the day after my 58th birthday a few weeks after Covid lockdown had begun. My Dad just lost it all. He could not cope with her passing, I had to suppress my grief and step up to take care of everything. Given his past, it was a shock to see how badly this affected him. I stayed in the room watching over my Mum waiting for medical and funeral people to appear. Given this was now the fourth time for me, I was beginning to strain mentally. However, I had to keep it going.

My Dad never recovered really. He tried but he was lost. We did much from being kind to shouting at him to whatever but nothing would help. The number of hours spent in hospital with him from falls or he left himself become ill, also took there toil. Not just on him but me. He kept on this path until the very end when too late he realised he needed help. Sadly he passed away in July 2023.

Basingstoke

How did the panel help? Well, strangely, I had been watching Stargate Atlantis and Stargate again. It is shown on one channel in the UK all the time which is good. As I returned from holiday, there was a chance to do something I could not have done in the past 5 years. I travelled to Basingstoke hoping to get tickets for Sunday. I managed to get them of course and picked one guest for an autograph and one meet-and-greet. 

While waiting to see David Hewlett, I noticed the panel on Mental Health, so sat down to listen. The panel discussed how fandom gave people a safe place to talk about things, grief, loss, depression and more. For me, I understood now how the three Stargate shows, along with sci-fi in general,  gave moments of escape and the acknowledgement of issues. 

Looking back, I could see that a number of episodes set out to tackle these issues for me and others. Many of the cast had their character go through various struggles not always stressed as mental, but the hints were there. At each point, other characters showed their support. As a sci-fi show, it did more than people expected. With the shows and other fans, we can talk through our issues. Sci-fi conventions, people do feel safer to open-up to other like-minded friends. And this is what the panel drew upon. Having Amanda Tapping as part of the panel actively encouraging people to talk to each other gave such meaning and for myself the need to write my thoughts. 

I thought back on past conventions and the number of good friends I made. Some of them I have known now for 20 years or more. We did talk about life and at times how we were coping with things. We still do and they did help me when my parents became ill. Listening to the panel made me realise fandom had given me like-minded people to chat to and because we all watched the same things, we had focus points to relate too. My friends were the ones I could talk to about all this.

It has taken me sometime to finally allow my thoughts to make sense. From supporting my wife and her losses to my Mum’s passing, sorting out my Dad and then his passing, I have not had that time to reflect. This simple step of writing things down, has allowed me to open up and understand where I am. The panel and The Companion, has helped me as have my friends in the Sci-fi community.

For me, it will never go away and nor should it, as the good memories will outweigh the bad. Time and communicating in any format will help and reduce the pain. Friends help friends no matter what and reaching out is strength not weakness.

Tagline – Time